The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS Office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, “well, Sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believeable.” I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it says grandpa. "How about a demonstration " ? The auditor thinks for a moment, and says go ahead. Grandpa says “I"ll bet you a Thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye”. The auditor thinks for a moment and says, “it’s a bet”. Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditors jaw drops ! Grandpa now says I’ll bet you two thousand dollars I can bite my other eye. The auditor can tell that grandpa isn’t blind so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The auditor realizes that he has wagered three thousand dollars and lost, with grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts getting nervous. “Want to go double or nothing” ? Grandpa asks ? I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between. the auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there is no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the waste basket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditors desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he just turned a major loss into a win. But grandpa’s own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. Are you okay? the auditor asks. "Not really says the attorney. This morning, when grandpa told me he had been summoned for an audit, he bet me Twenty-Five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it ! Don’t Mess with Old People !

ROTF!

Ok it’s friday night, Grandpa on vacation and meets this beautiful 25yr young woman and she thinks he is loaded. So Grandpa takes her to the jewelry store and has her pick out the biggest diamond ring. The jeweler ask how you’re going to pay for this, Grandpa gets out his checkbook and writes out a check, The jewelers said you can have the ring Monday when the banks open and check clears they both agree.The jeweler calls Grandpa monday morning to tell him his check bounce, Grandpa said, I know but let me tell you about my weekend. You can learn a thing or two from Grandpa.