Gentleman do what ever it takes to empty our coffers lapdances, champagne dances, shower dances. Oh, the things you can buy for a hand full of bills. It makes me excited. It gives me the chills. They’ll be filcher rubs, breeders, hambones and tweeners, zobos and debos and blorps that go eenahs. For a one dollar bill you can pull down their zippers. I am the Snorax, I speak for the strippers! Avery Bullock - American Dad

“There’s a sucker born every minute” is a phrase often credited to P. T. Barnum (1810–1891), an American showman. Though this phrase is often credited to Barnum, it was more likely spoken by a man by the name of David Hannum, who was criticizing both Barnum and his customers.

“Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.” - Vinnie Jones in the movie Snatch Ken

“A man’s maturity consists in having found again the seriousness one had as a child at play.” - Nietzsche

“I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies.” – Thomas Jefferson

I’d rather die on my feet than live on my knees

In order to be irreplaceable you must be different. - Coco Chanel

“They’re Grrreat!” -Tony The Tiger

Since n9inchnails was the first to break the mood, I must confess that I was thinking about using: Never underestimate the power of a snook. -Boris Badinov

“The dead know only one thing…it is better to be alive.” - Full Metal Jacket

“Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.” “Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another.” Both by H L Mencken

‘Sweets for the sweet - Have a lemon’. - Lorin Taylor

still makes me laugh every time…My Karma ran over my Dogma… <:-P

I’d rather die on my feet than live on my knees

This is true - I quoted that to a friend of mine and she said she’d often had a lot of fun when she was on her knees…

I only regret the things I haven’t done. Oscar Wilde.

"Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having there skulls split, as a general thing. " - R. E. Howard

" The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits " - Albert Einstein.

“Change alone is unchanging” “The same road goes both up and down” “Having cut, burned and poisoned the sick, the doctor then submits his bill” - Heraclitus

Give someone a mask, and they will show you their true face. Not sure the source, but very accurate

“Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on my part” and “Dont start none, wont be none” Great words of wisdom I work in technical support, and I use the first one almost daily maybe put a little differently but they get the concept. It’s an awesome verbal slap in the face, and Ive become a master of the art.

‘If you’re going through hell, keep going’ -Winston Churchill

My own. Why should I stand for something someone else said?

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There’s also a negative side. - internet quote inspired by Hunter S. Thompson - Pulled from Analogman’s website.

“I ain’t never made but one gramatical error in my life and I seen it when I done it and I taken it back!”** – Me** (usually in response to: “Why did you become a technical writer?” )

I’d rather die on my feet than live on my knees

“Whatever happened to Leon Trotsky? He got an ice pick, That made his ears burn” The Stranglers from their 1977 album ‘No more Heros’

“You can fool some of the people all the time, and those are the ones you want to concentrate on.” -George W. Bush

Definition of Insanity: “Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results” Albert Einstein

Perhaps you’d like to watch telly whilst I take a shower? -Jenny Agutter in An American Werewolf In London- No, no, Jenny, dear, I’ll put on Van Morrison’s Moondance and join ya’. ;))

Isn’t it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe there are fairy’s at the bottom of it too. Douglas adams

Come and get them. -Spartan response to the Persians when asked to lay down their arms.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. P. J. O’Rourke

“I have a theory that you can make any sentence seem profound by writing the name of a dead philosopher at the end of it.” – Plato

I poop – Socrates. (did it work).

I poop – Socrates. (did it work).

I think you just solved the secrets of the universe. I am awestruck.

“There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart’s desire. The other is to gain it.” ― George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman

Cattle die, kinsmen die. One day yourself too must die. But I know one thing that never dies, The reputation of the dead man. -The Havamal

Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. Yoda

“I’m not even supposed to be here today!” -Dante, ‘Clerks’

“Life does not consist mainly - or even largely - of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that are forever blowing through one’s mind.” “The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.” “Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.” “I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” “Sacred cows make the best hamburgers.” Mark Twain

Knowing others is wisdom, knowing the self is enlightenment. Mastering others requires force, mastering the self needs strength. Lao Tse

640K ought to be enough for anybody. Bill Gates

Especially appropos to snuff takers: Those who matter don’t mind. Those who mind don’t matter.

I grumbled because I had no shoes… until I met a man who had no feet! My grandfather

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. Thomas Edison

Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all those other forms that have been tried from time to time. Winston Churchill

Quicumque latine dictum sit, altum viditur. (Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)

“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? …He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes.” - Billy Connolly (and many others)

Realization of the vastness of one’s own ignorance is the first step on the road to true wisdom. - HowdyDave (me) (Maybe Shankara originally said this, but – in spite of all of my searching – I have never seen it attributed to anybody other than myself.)

Better to Remain Silent and Be Thought a Fool than to Speak and Remove All Doubt Unknown

That’s by Poor Richard (Benjamin Franklin) in Poor Richard’s Almanac. Poor Richard used the terms “keep your mouth shut” and “open it.”

“Oderint dum metuant” (Let them hate as long as they fear) - Lucius Accius “Men are basically smart or dumb and lazy or ambitious. The dumb and ambitious ones are dangerous and I get rid of them. The dumb and lazy ones I give mundane duties. The smart ambitious ones I put on my staff. The smart and lazy ones I make my commanders…” - Erwin Rommel

A hard man is good to find. Mae West

I love nonsense – it wakes up braincells. Dr. Seuss

Pain and Suffering is inevitable but Misery is optional. The Buddha

He who neglects to drink of the spring of experience is likely to die of thirst in the desert of ignorance. Ling Po

Definition of Insanity: “Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results” Albert Einstein

Obviously Einstein wasn’t a fan of quantum physicists.

During a discussion on rock music and school shootings- Michael Moore: What would you say to Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold? Marylin Manson: I wouldn’t say anything; I would listen. And that’s what no one did.

“Oh thats a neatly trimmed bush Aggy” - My Mother circa 1989 at the neighbour’s newly landscaped garden, still makes me laugh to this day!

“Are you high?”- Me to a co-worker and he tried to knock his fool head off with a large piece of steel and an engine lathe.

If your kisses can’t hold the man you love then your tears won’t bring him back! Sophie Tucker

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm!

Never explain – your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway. Benjamin Disraeli

I’m not beautiful. My mother once called me an ugly duckling. But, listed separately, I have a few good features. Audrey Hepburn

“I don’t like it, and I’m sorry I ever had anything to do with it.” - Erwin Schrödinger on Quantum Mechanics

"“This battle is completely lost. However, there is time to win another.” Desaix at the Battle of Marengo

“The rights of the people will only be protected so long as it doesn’t conflict with the interests of the state and nothing is more dangerous to a society” -Star Trek Voyager

“The only man who can have his job done by Friday is Robinson Crusoe.” (Unknown)

You must be the change you wish to see in the world. Mahatma Ghandi

I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. Bill Cosby

A politician looks forward only to the next election. A statesman looks forward to the next generation. Thomas Jefferson

“Profanity is the linguistic crutch of an inarticulate motherfucker.” - ?

“It is absolutely necessary, for the peace and safety of mankind, that some of earth’s dark, dead corners and unplumbed depths be let alone; lest sleeping abnormalities wake to resurgent life, and blasphemously surviving nightmares squirm and splash out of their black lairs to newer and wider conquests.” – H.P. Lovecraft

“If your dreams dont scare you, they arent big enough.”

Win or lose, there’s always Huyperian beetle snuff. Ferengi Grand Nagus newferenginar.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/zeks-beetle-snuff-box.html

“It may be a coincidence, coincidences happen everyday…but I don’t trust coincidences” Don’t remember where I heard it but I definetly heard it somewhere

“Courage isn’t having the strength to go on - it is going on when you don’t have strength.” “Show me a family of readers, and I will show you the people who move the world.” “If I had to choose a religion, the sun as the universal giver of life would be my god.” …and… “If we could read the past histories of all our enemies we would disregard all hostility for them.” Some of my favorites by l’Empereur

and by Cardinal Richelieu: “Carry on any enterprise as if all future success depended on it.”

“After 5 years they give me a brush” -Ken Shabby Public Lavatory Cleaner

@lunecat ^^^ EXCELLENT!!!

It is the mark of an instructed mind to rest satisfied with the degree of precision which the nature of the subject admits and not to seek exactness when only an approximation of the truth is possible. Aristotle

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”― Maya Angelou

“… humility, the mother of discrimination and spiritual insight? has its own characteristic by which it is known. The humble person must possess every virtue and yet truly think himself the greatest of debtors and inferior to everything else in creation.” St. Peter of Damaskos

“[We] are now very sorry indeed, particularly in the killing and eating of the parts of its employees… we now throw ourselves entirely at the mercy of the good old Queen, knowing her to be a most kind tender-hearted and sympathetic old mother.” --King Koko and the chiefs of the Brassmen, Nigeria, in a letter to the Prince of Wales, 1895.

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less. --C.S. Lewis

You need Power only when you want to do Something Harmful, otherwise Love is enough to get things done. --Charlie Chaplin

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less. --C.S. Lewis

good one!

“Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy”. -Benjamin Franklin

man made beer, it wasn’t given to us. I’d say tobacco is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy

man made beer, it wasn’t given to us. I’d say tobacco is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy

Agreed. I still like the quote, though.

“Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself.” – Mark Twain

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same thing. Oscar Wilde

“My problem lies with reconciling my gross habits with my net income.” --Errol Flynn

“I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.” – Uncertain

Fire and water do not mix, neither can you mix judgment of others with the desire to repent. If a man commits a sin before you at the very moment of his death, pass no judgment, because the judgment of God is hidden from men. It has happened that men have sinned greatly in the open but have done greater deeds in secret, so that those who would disparage them have been fooled, with smoke instead of sunlight in their eyes. —St. John Climacus

Hey! You! Get off of my cloud. Hey! You! Get off of my cloud. Hey! You! Get off of my cloud. Don’t hang around 'cause two’s a crowd The Rolling Stones

Hey! you! out there on the road Always doing what you’re told, can you help me Hey! you! out there beyond the wall Breaking bottles in the hall, can you help me Hey! you! don’t tell me there’s no hope at all Together we stand, divided we fall Pink Floyd

“A good plan executed NOW is better than a perfect plan executed at some indefinite time in the future”. – Gen. George S. Patton Jr.

“Welcome to Walmart. GET YOUR SHIT AND GET OUT!! Have a nice day.” Jeff Dunham’s Walter

“I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?” --Arnold Schwarzenegger

"There can be no very black melancholy to him who lives in the midst of Nature and has his senses still.” - Henry David Thoreau

“Remember the rights of the savage, as we call him. Remember that the happiness of his humble home, remember that the sanctity of life in the hill villages of Afghanistan, among the winter snows, is as inviolable in the eye of Almighty God, as can be your own.” – William E. Gladstone

Im only responsible for what I say, not what others think they heard - Unknown

“It is not the self-critical who reveals his humility (for does not everyone have somehow to put up with himself?). Rather it is the man who continues to love the person who has criticized him.” St. John Climacus