Ask the cable guy.

Having problems with your service? Slow internet? Who decides what shows your cable provider will air? What does a tech do when he comes to your house? How does signal get from space to your house? Questions about how to hook up components? Want to hear disturbing things techs see in the field? A lot of people have terrible experiences with their cable providers so if you have any questions regarding the internal workings of the cable mafia please feel free to ask and maybe I can shed some light on what a cable tech does and how the cable industry works. Ask away…

Disturbing thing techs see in the field sounds good.

@khalid, The crazy thing about being a tech is that I get to go into houses most don’t or wouldn’t go into. You have your typical disgusting houses filled with animal feces with only a path through a mountain of garbage to navigate through the house. Then you have your mansions and celebrity houses. You have nice people, people who don’t care, total jerks and then you have the worst of them all. THE PERVERTS. It is true that cable guys get hit on a lot. Most cable guys are men and most cable guys are hit on by men. Not a big deal really except when it’s in an extreme manner it can be quite disturbing. In the field, techs have something that is called the ‘hand-off’. A hand-off is a job where we might not like the customer or we are to lazy to do the work involved to fix the problem that we were dispatched to fix. We will call our dispatcher and give them some bullshit excuse as to why we can’t perform our duties and she will remove the job from our schedule and give it to another tech later in the day. It’s part of the job and we all do it. I received a hand-off a couple of years ago that I still have nightmares about but it makes a good story. My coworker Tommy had a job on his route in one of the local trailer parks to respond to a complaint about slow internet speeds. This is a pretty rough trailer park but we have never had any problems there. Tommy goes to knock on the door and gets no response. He rings the doorbell-nothing. He knocks again and hears “come in”. We all hate this. When someone doesn’t physically come to the door and let you in it makes you feel uneasy. You have no idea what you are walking into. Tommy walks in and sees no one in the living room so he calls out and is summoned to the back bedroom “I’m down here.” Tommy reaches the end of the hall and peeks his head into the room where he heard the man’s voice coming from only to find BOIIINNGGGG. The guy is buck naked on the bed jerking off. Tommy being the true professional, turns around and says that he will be back later when the man has finished jerking the gerkin. Well, he knew damn well he wasn’t going back because no tech in his right mind would go back to deal with that. But Tommy being the prankster he his, calls dispatch and tells them that the customer wants us to come back later in the afternoon because he had an emergency to attend to. He then tells them to put the job on my route because I was the most experienced working that shift. THANKS TOMMY! The job gets passed to me and I have to be there between 5pm-7pm. No problem. It should be an easy job maybe just change a splitter and couple of fittings and bob’s your uncle. I get there 20 minutes after six and it’s already dark because it was winter time. Same procedure. I knock, hear nothing, knock again, “come in”. I enter the mobile home and see no one directly in front of me which is the living room. I can hear something to my left that sounds like a drill or a sewing machine or something off in the distance. I just figure the customer is doing some home repairs or something. I say, “hello”. I am told, “I’m back here.” I follow the voice and the noise gets louder and it sounds like a cordless drill. I finally get to the back bedroom where the man beckoned me to come to. I poke my head in ready to say, “hi how are you today,” and BAM it’s right there in all of it’s glory! This guy has a cordless drill mounted to some kind of wooden contraption. On the end of the drill is affixed a dildo of substantial size turning round and round in this guy’s ass. He is on the bed in the doggie style position and he just looks at me with this creepy look of ecstasy. I don’t remember my reaction to the whole thing because I was in shock. I just turned around, found the door, got in my van, and left. Later on the way home I had a laugh about the whole thing because I knew my story would top all others in my area. Well at least come close anyway because there are other techs that have been through more bizarre than this. I called to my dispatcher to let them know what had transpired so she the rescheduled the job for the next day and gave it to another tech. This tech didn’t share the same experience that Tommy or I had. The next day Tommy came up to me and asked me what I thought about that job and then he started laughing his ass off. I told him what I had seen there and the whole crew had a good laugh for twenty minutes. He said he purposely set me up because a week earlier I had a left over bait fish that I hid in his van, which he couldn’t find for several days. I would be pissed too if I had to ride around all day in a van that smelled like rotting fish. Well I guess you have to pay to play. We are constantly pranking one another. So that is one of the many stories I have accrued as a cable guy. I have dealt with funny, scary, sad, and depressing situations while doing this job. Being a cable guy is not for the faint of heart and you have to have a good sense of humor and a strong constitution.

@BigDaddy lmao! Stefan

@BigDaddy Great story, glad I asked.

Glad you enjoyed it.

lol. What some people will do. Think I’ll have some de-tox tea now. Have you got even with Tommy yet?

@Mouse Lol. And that’s just one of the many stories I have. Yes Actually I have gotten even with Tommy. He made the mistake of being away from his van at a job and leaving the keys in the ignition. I parked my van down the block and around the corner. I walked back to his van, hopped in, and parked it where I parked my van and took off. Mind you I parked his van in an apartment complex behind a dumpster so it would be difficult to find. I let him sweat it out for an hour before I called him and told him where his van was parked. I thought he was going to have a heart attack! LOL! It would be hard calling your supervisor to tell him your van has been stolen. I shiver just thinking about. He hasn’t messed with me since that day. Ahhhh brotherly love is a beautiful thing. We do lots of evil things to eachother. The job gets so stressful that you have to blow off steam somehow.

No wonder Jim Carrey acted like he did in that movie, The job got to him. I worked as a sub contractor but couldn’t afford too. I had a can of Lysol and wasp killer on hand; at all times both for my personal protection. The only freaks I met were the other subs. The company men were mostly stable. You never know what you’ll see with the general public. Good story @Bigdaddysnuff

List of jobs I don’t want… Cable guy, check!

@basement_shaman yeah I’m a company guy. The subs can make a ton of money but they never get proper training. I hear ya on the wasp spray. I keep a case with me at all times. Being a cable guy can get to you in a big way and it’s not a job I would recommend. The injuries alone should scare people away. I think I have one more year left in me because my back is shot and I need surgery. It was fun while it lasted though.

@snuffSniffer LOL. I would say if you are a young guy just out of high school then it would be a good bet. I got in when I was 32 and I aged twenty years because of it. Don’t get me wrong though, you have a lot of freedom and if you can’t work in a cubicle it’s a good job to have. I think most techs last about 10 years before they quit, get fired, or their body just gives out. You make good money but you earn every penny of it and cable providers are crooks so you have to watch your ass at all times. The creepy people don’t bother me but the angry ones do!

Franchise Related Costs. Say what? Being one of the 225 cable techs to lose his job today I thought I would share some info that employees aren’t supposed to talk about. Even though this info is widely available if you search for it most people don’t take the time. First up on the agenda is a little fee cable companies like to call, “franchise related costs”. If you look at your bill you will see something called FRC (franchise related costs). In different areas it may be called something else but the fee associated with it will be anywhere from 50 cents to as high as $1.50 depending on the amount of subscribers in your area. So what is this FRC, you ask? In order for a cable provider to conduct business in your city/town it has to pay that municipality a fee. For instance, in my town that fee is $150,000/year. Another stipulation a cable provider has to follow is to provide “free” services to government institutions like schools, hospitals, libraries, military installations, and such. This fee is to be paid by the cable provider at the time of signing of the contract with the municipality. Understanding that your cable provider is a business and that it operates by motive of profit, some leeway has to be given when fees are levied against it’s customers. The problem is which fees are acceptable and which are not. There is a term in the business world called “Cost of Doing Business”. Somethings a business has to absorb as a C.O.D.B. For instance if you have a business that uses a credit card service you pay either a per transaction fee or a percentage of sale or in some cases both. This fee is factored into the cost of your product and is perfectly acceptable. This is where business ethics come into play. The ethical merchant who employs a credit card service will add the cost into his product but will not reap a profit from that additional cost. His focus is to break even or he may split the difference with his customer depending on the profit margin of his product. He may even choose to write it off as a cost of doing business. Another thing to understand is that the FRC has nothing to do with plant maintenance or liability. It is strictly a cost of doing business. This fee is passed on to you by way of Franchise Related Costs. In essence, you are paying the fee that your cable provider agreed to pay your municipality to provide you a signal. Now, how does your town/city come up with this number that they charge your provider for? Good question. In the cable business there are laws governing how much of a market share any one provider can own in a given territory. For instance, in Connecticut no provider can own more than 80% of the share in the state. These means that 20% has to be owned by a competing cable company. This is SUPPOSED to prevent a monopoly but you will rarely find another cable company build over an existing one because that would be financial suicide. So when a contract with a municipality is up for the provider that owns that area other cable companies can come in to bid on the contract and that region goes to the highest bidder. These bidding wars are done behind closed doors. Basically you have no say so in the amount you will pay to your town/city/provider to have cable service. Isn’t that a cute way to redirect money back to your local government in the form of a hidden tax? Did you get a vote on that tax? (Ok, mods I won’t get anymore political than that please forgive me this one trangression.) So your saying to yourself, but it’s only 50 cents to $1.50 a month, no biggy. Ok then, do some math. Find out how much of the market share your cable provider owns in your entire state by percentage or population. This is easy to find on your own by searching your provider name + market share + your state. Next, find out the population of your state and subtract the market share percentage from that. Finally, multiply your monthy FRC charge on your bill by the number of people in your state that use your provider and multiply that by 12. You now have the BIG picture in dollar signs of what kind of money your state/provider reaps on a yearly basis. If you wanted to get down to brass tax you could look on your town’s website to find the amount they pay your provider but this fee is usually not itemized and you would actually have to request the detailed info. Do your math to find out how your particular municipality is impacted. I bet my left nut that the numbers don’t add up. Meaning, that the amount of money your provider collects versus what they pay out to the municipality don’t match and they usually collect more than they pay by a significant percentage. This, in my opinion, is unethical on the part of the municipality and the cable company. Folks, cable is a multi multi billion dollar business. Cable companies operate for pennies on the dollar. An important thing to understand is that all cable companies are in bed together and decisions about pricing are made well in advance. Welcome to the jungle baby! As a now former technician I would constantly listen to people complain about their cable bill and how much it costs to have even basic services. Your cable company wants $100 a month from you. Internet + phone + video across the country is around $100. My reply to people who would raise an issue about cable costs would be, “then why do you pay it?” Thanks for reading and I hope this helps to inform.

Sorry about your job, brother. Onward and Upward!

That’s right brother. Two tears in a bucket. I have been through tougher situations and that’s why I am always prepared for these events. It was time for me to get out of this business anyway so it’s kind of a blessing. Thanks for the kind words.

No cubicle for me. A private office is the way to go =D On topic, I had a buddy when I lived in California that was a cable guy. He made great money, especially since he was a great tech for figuring out internet problems in the early days of cable modems. At the time he was a about 5’10 and weighed about 245 with around 4% body fat. He was hit on constantly, and has some great stories to tell from it. He lasted about 5 years before he bailed. He’s been a gym trainer for over 10 years now, and he says the work beats him up less. Totally off topic: His father had one of those crazy limb-trapped-by-something-trying-to-cut-my-arm-off stories. Nutty stuff. Those were tuff times for his family while he was missing. Vodka and Nintendo 64 took our minds off of it. http://www.kiwisandals.com/angels.htm

@Dogwalla It is very physical work and you stay in great shape. Yes, flirtation is a huge part of the job as well. A tech in the field for five years is making $20+ an hour but you do work your ass off and spend a lot of time away from home. In six years I have spent a total of 8 months away from home. I have worked in Florida, Louisiana, New york, and martha’s vineyard all after hurricanes/severe storms have struck. 50k a year is easily obtainable for even a first year tech without certifications with all of the overtime. It does come at a sacrifice though.

sorry to hear that @bigdaddysnuff thanks for the info too.

@distaind thanks brother, it’s all good. It’s time for a little “at home” time. Going to relax for a bit and start my own gig. I always have side projects to keep me afloat.

Hang in the @BigDaddySnuff . There’s always work for people prepared to get of their arse and work hard so you’ll do fine. I was always a lousy employee so started my own business years ago. You may be broke for a few years at the start but it is nice being your own boss. Best of Luck!!!