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Always tonnes of specials.

Anyone got any snuff jokes or funny quotes?

RoderickRoderick Member
edited August 2009 in General
I just googled funny snuff quotes/jokes and got nothing, not a single joke. Surely we can come up with something?


  • edited August 2009 PM
    I'm stumped!
    There was a sketch on "The Benny Hill Show" years ago about him looking for a Snuff box. Anyone remember it?
  • How do you know whether you've maybe had to much snuff during the day? There will be skid marks in your underpants which you can simply shake out.
  • No jokes or quotes but there was that funny skit John Belushi did on SNL that I posted a few months back.

    Its John Belushi playing Beethoven singing Ray Charles. Beethoven takes a pinch of snuff with a little sneeze. Takes a few seconds to load & Let the whole video load before playing for best playback.

    Beethoven taking a snuff.
  • J & H Wilson used to use droll lines in their advertising such as “We are as famous for pinching as the Italians”, and a picture of Napoleon was accompanied by the observation that “It wasn’t just Josephine that got up his nose.”

    In one of the Carry On films set during the French Revolution an aristocrat takes a pinch of snuff and sneezes with such violence that all wigs within range take flight. That remains the only comedic - and not very subtle - use of snuff I’ve seen.
  • I think this is can be found on Snuff Stores.uk website:---

    A Snuff Story

    - visit The Shooter Arms for more.
    One fine summer’s evening, the landlord, George, was pottering about getting ready to open up, when he noticed that the snuff box was empty. He went to fill it from his stock cupboard, and remembered that he’d run out the week before and forgotten to re-stock. Just another tribulation in the life of a landlord. He knew what this would lead to: shouts of “Idle Bastard” from the regulars, even the ones that didn’t take snuff. The fact that generations of regulars from 1660 to the present day called the landlord an idle bastard was no consolation. Wearily, he dragged out his old broom to sweep the outside of the pub, something he hadn’t had time to do for weeks.
    While sweeping outside, the broom knocked against a dried-up dog turd, which crumbled on impact. He had a brilliant idea. It would be a quiet night, probably no snuff takers, the pot only had to look full. He took the turd inside, ground it up, and filled the snuff box.
    Sod’s Law decreed that the first customer was Harry – an habitual snuff taker. “Pint please, George,” he shouted, and took a pinch of snuff. George put the pint in front of Harry, waiting for the explosion. “Bloody Hell,” says Harry, “has thee had a dog in here? There’s a bloody strong smell of dog shit.” He checked his boots and looked around him. George denied there was any smell of course, and Harry eventually started supping his pint.
    Next in was Arthur. “Evening Harry, pint please George”, and helped himself to a pinch of snuff. “By ‘eck, there’s a strong smell of dog shit around here.” “Aye,” said Harry, “Aa thowt that.” So they both started checking out the well-scrubbed stone floor. While they were at it, old Tom wandered in. “What’s occurring here?” he asked. The lads told him the score and the three of them carried on looking, although Tom kept telling them he couldn’t smell owt odd.
    Eventually they gave up the search. Tom asked George for a pint and took a pinch of snuff, “Hell fire,” he cried, “yon’s bloody good snuff George, I can fair smell that dog shit now!”
  • The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • Was you looking for scatological?
  • To add to a five year old topic now, there are some things about that dog turd story that has a ring of familiarity to it. So I looked up the original story on snuffstore.co.uk and it has a link to the pubs long-gone website www.shooters-arms.co.uk and further searching has confirmed the defunct website and the pub in question

    I've walked past, supped a pint in, and even played a gig or two at said Shooter's Arms -- a nice pub with a cracking good view o'er''top o' Nelson on t' Pendle'ill. Though I didn't notice any snuff.

    http://tinyurl.com/plmuw2e (links to pub location in Google Maps) and the streetview was taken on a sunny day, actually makes East Lancashire look not drab and dreary!!
  • Nothing to do with snuff, but well worth a read.

    The President of Germany, Angela Merkel,  flew to Greece.
    The Immigration Officer at the airport was inspecting her passport, and said to her   "occupation?"
    She replied,  "not this time, just visiting."


  • I have heard one or 2 but it really wouldn't be funny to any one but us Ultra Orthodox. 
  • @yisraeldov 

    I don't know if you are familiar with a comedian called Jackie Mason.  I believe he was a Rabbi at one time and now makes his living as a full time comedian telling jokes with a strong Jewish theme.

    In one of his shows he mused about different areas having different styles of humour.

    He roughly said     "I filled a theatre in Israel last week.  The audience loved my jokes and stories, they  couldn't get enough.    A couple of days later I told the same jokes to an audience in Palestine.
    Not a smile, not a laugh.    I couldn't understand it."

    Is that the kind of thing you have in mind?

    I can imagine one or two moderators getting a bit twitchy at the moment.
    Cheers all.

  • @ArtChoo no it's nothing like that. It's just that you would have to be familiar with Jewish liturgy and the laws of the sacrifices in the Beis HaMikdash, and Hebrew.... It's not offensive at all, just ....

    Ok here, translated from yiddish/hebrew...

    Why do we tap the snuff box before using? Because the sound is good for fragrances ... 

    To me that was funny the first time I heard it. But I'm sure no one here thought so. 
  • I came across 22 jokes about snuff, while I was searching in old Polish magazines. This one comes from 23th of November 1938.

    "Do you know this joke about a Scot who liked to take snuff, and because recently snuff has risen by a penny per kilo, so he came up with a great idea: when it was raining, he went barefoot to the street and after a half-hour walk he returned home sneezing for free, how much the heart wills!"
  • I just remembered another one, it is really awful.

    Why did g-d make our nostrils pointing downwards ? Cause if they were pointed up we would just dump snuff in. 
  • "Snuff"

    Sniffing nicotine up from finger

    Snuff said

  • Enter        Funny stories!       into the    Search Snuffhouse      box.    

    There a quite few good jokes there.  
    Not sure how to set a link to the page.

  • http://snuffhouse.com/discussion/11482/funny-stories

    Hopefully this will take you to some cracking funnies.

  • ArtChooArtChoo Member
    edited February 2 PM
    A chap got in late from the pub one night. 
    When he got home his wife kicked off, going on and on about his drunken habits and seedy friends. 
    She would not stop and finally he flipped, grabbed the carving knife and stabbed her to death.

    Now he had a serious problem, spend he rest of his life in gaol or dispose of the body and live happily ever after.
    Dispose of the body was the answer.
    He carved her up into manageable pieces and stuffed the bits into a couple of bin bags.
    After putting the bags out for the bin man to collect, he cleared up the house and himself, had a few more drinks and went to bed.
    He had the first good nights sleep in many a year, free at last to do what he wanted.

    Next day he was woken by the door bell and jumped out of bed quite startled.
    He answered the door,   it was the bin man.    

    "Have you got a spare bin bag" said the bin man.
    "Why whats wrong" said the frightened murderer.
    "The bottoms fallen out of this one" said the bin man.   :))

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